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Despite OnlyFans, and adult content creation in general, becoming more widely accepted in the modern world, there are still a lot of taboos related to it. And one of those is when you look at people in a committed relationship, and whether or not they should be able to use OnlyFans – either to subscribe to adult creators or to become a creator themselves.
Is it cheating if you're on OnlyFans? Let's take a look.
Why do people use OnlyFans?
The first step in deciding whether OnlyFans cheating is a real thing is to look at why people use OnlyFans as a service.
It should be pretty obvious why someone uses a site like OnlyFans as a content creator – it's because they believe they can earn an income as a sort of sex worker without getting physical with others. They can sell photos, videos and other content (including chat services) as a way of bringing in money, potentially giving them the freedom to work full time as an online sex worker eventually.
There may be other reasons too – it could just be a confidence boost, or they might just love sex, and so making sexual content could be a big turn-on for them.
But typically, using OnlyFans as a creator is a means to an end – a way to earn cash.
You'd be surprised how often questions are asked such as “Why pay for OnlyFans if you can get porn for free?” And it's a valid question – why are so many millions of people using OnlyFans instead of just watching porn that they can find free of charge?
There are a couple of potential reasons:
Distrust of the porn industry and how it treats sex workers
Clinical feel to professional porn – there's a distance between the porn star and the person watching
Difficulty in finding the right kind of erotic media that interests them, without spending a long time looking
The main reason that people tend to use sites like OnlyFans is for that connection to someone – to feel like they are not just helping to fund their favorite creators but that they can enjoy getting to know them – it's sexier when you know the person and can chat to them, after all.
Should you tell your partner you’re using OnlyFans?
While every monogamous relationship is different, in an ideal scenario, you should always tell your partner if you're using OnlyFans either as a user or as a content creator.
Any kind of secrecy is a risk to a healthy relationship, so the best thing to do would be to tell your partner and agree on boundaries.
Otherwise, you are definitely at risk of causing a rift once it eventually comes out. Nobody is perfect at hiding their online activity and eventually, they will find out!
So, is it cheating if your partner is using OnlyFans?
Just because OnlyFans is online, and doesn't involve physical cheating, that doesn't mean it isn't cheating if you use it without telling your partner.
But there are scales to this. Arguably it's considered cheating more if you're using OnlyFans as a subscriber to someone else because you're engaging in their content and seeking sexual gratification from another person.
Plus, if you're spending a lot of time talking to them via chat, that's absolutely emotional cheating if your partner isn't aware of it.
If you're a creator, the line is a little more blurred, because you aren't necessarily ‘cheating' because you want the attention and enjoy the sexual activity. If you treat your OnlyFans account as a business, and your subscribers as customers, then it's only cheating if your partner has said they feel it would be.
There is no hard line here. Anyone who is dating exclusively and wants to own OnlyFans accounts needs to have a discussion with their partner and understand their perspective.
You can't say “it's not cheating” if your partner is upset by it – you're crossing boundaries that they are trying to establish.
It's not the same as your partner saying they don't want to you to work other jobs. Posting explicit content content to Only Fans and sharing your body and your sex talk with others is more than a simple job.
So, open lines of communication are absolutely essential in relationships where one or both parties are using OnlyFans. Most people would consider it cheating, so you need to decide between you what's reasonable, talk about your feelings, and establish rules that respect each other.
What to do if your partner is using OnlyFans without your permission
If you find out that your partner subscribes to other OnlyFans accounts, or they have their own OnlyFans creator account, and they haven't told you, you need to have a conversation – and pretty quickly.
See how your boyfriend or girlfriend reacts. Look for red flags – do they try to invalidate your boundaries, make you feel bad for denying them, or tell you that there's nothing wrong with what they're doing?
An honest talk about the subject of sites like OnlyFans is essential for finding common ground. Partners who don't talk about these types of websites might believe that there's nothing wrong with their behaviors and can get quite the shock when a partner finds out and believes they're being cheated on.
For most men and women, using OnlyFans secretly would be a deal breaker. It is absolutely a big deal – don't let yourself be gaslit in your relationship if you find out your partner is a content creator or has a paid subscription to other creators.
Stay calm, talk about your feelings, and then see how they treat you when they answer your questions. If they listen, and adjust their behaviors, then great – you can probably work through things.
But if they argue back, act in a way that seems to be trying to put the blame on you, or just tell you that their online activity is personal and private, then consider how much of a future you see in that relationship. Consider asking friends for their perspective, and taking a break from your partner if you need to.
Is it healthy to use OnlyFans while in a relationship?
The modern world is a lot more open-minded than it used to be, and so if you're a content creator, it is still possible to use OnlyFans and maintain positive mental health even when in a committed relationship.
You need your partner to be onboard with it, but then it will actually help you to treat your OnlyFans in a more transactional way – you won't get the same emotional connections with your OnlyFans subscribers as you might do when single, and you won't feel the need for validation through their attention.
Instead, your OnlyFans is a business only, and you can enjoy all the best bits of your real-world relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend (or husband or wife).
The only issue here is that it forces you to put on more of a ‘front' for your fans. Again, people use OnlyFans as a way of building up a ‘genuine' connection with someone, and if you aren't as engaging as they want you to be, they may unsubscribe and take their money elsewhere.
It's important that you still make your subscribers feel valued, and show that you care about their feelings and getting them off sexually. You just need to make it clear to your partner that it's all fake, and that you only actually enjoy your sex life with them.
How to involve your partner in your OnlyFans account as a creator
It can be helpful to actually get your partner involved in your content creator account. OnlyFans cheating isn't a thing if they're helping you make content, after all!
If you ask your partner to help you, it shows that you aren't doing it for ‘fun' or for sexual gratification. You treat your relationship and your business as separate things.
Partners often enjoy helping out too, especially if you become successful – it can help them to feel ‘in the loop' and even make them feel like they're contributing to your success.
There are several ways that your partner could get involved:
Shooting custom content
Shooting custom content for your fans can be highly profitable, but doing it alone can take a lot longer – each video is for one person, you need to set up all the camera and lighting equipment, edit it… It's a lot! Getting your partner to help, either by filming you or by using their editing skills can save time, and you could even pay them for their help.
If you're in a relationship, it's a reasonable assumption that your partner finds you sexy. You'd hope so, anyway. So they might also know what kind of content you could make to really enhance your sexiness. They give you ideas, you make it happen, then your subscribers love the new ideas and pay even more money.
Replying to messages
If you're not a confident person, then communication with your fans can sometimes be the hardest part of the job. Sex talk is tricky, especially when your fans start to cross boundaries. While it can happen with anyone, you'd be surprised how many OnlyFans girls have to put up with abusive messages from people who cross lines, either trying to become a ‘friend' in real life or demand things that are unreasonable.
Using your partner as a filter can work wonders for your mental health. Give them access to your platform, and they can pretend to be you or just sit with you as you work on replies together – either to continue the sexy talking, or to tell someone to back off.
Telling subscribers about your relationship status
Should you tell your OnlyFans subscribers that you're in a relationship?
Probably not – in most cases, it's going to upset your subscribers. Part of what makes most creators successful is that they are ‘achievable' even if it's only through an online account. Having partners in real life will make you less appealing, unfortunately.
Weirdly, some people might be put off because they feel you're cheating on your partner – or worse, cheating on them with your partner!
There are a handle of niche interests where being in a relationship could actually be beneficial. Some people like to see couples, and will still get a better thrill out of an OnlyFans account than watching porn because they can then chat to the people involved.
Or there are some people who don't want to see you in content with your boyfriend or girlfriend but are turned on by you having a relationship with someone else, and they like that they can have ‘secret' conversation opportunities with you when they aren't around.
Of course, one of the biggest content niches where a relationship can be beneficial is if you're gay, particularly lesbian. Most lesbians and bisexual women on OnlyFans will attract a primarily male audience – being in a relationship and being able to make ‘porn' with your partner, but then offering chat services and custom content, could be massive for you financially.
In short – it all depends on the type of content you produce, but if you're appealing to most heterosexual subscribers and you're hetero yourself, revealing you're in relationships is a bad idea.
No two relationships are the same, everyone has different boundaries and rules, and you have to decide what works for you both in your relationship if you want to use OnlyFans.
Take the lead and discuss it in your relationship early – don't start using OnlyFans secretly and then hope it crops up. Honest and upfront is the best approach with your girlfriend or boyfriend, so that you can lay everything out on the table and come up with some healthy ways of using the site.
And if your partner refuses to accept your use of OnlyFans, you've got a decision to make on whether you want to stick with your career or your partner – and only you will know what's right.